Broken-hearted

I'm sure you've heard the prayer "God, break my heart for the things that break Your heart."  Maybe you've prayed it yourself. I know I have.  We want to be passionate for the things that our God is passionate about, right?

But do you realize that means we're praying for a broken heart? I hate to sound like some Christian super-woman, because I am certainly not, but I think God has answered this prayer for me. And let me tell you, it is no fun!

God has a very hard job.  He knows everything, every tiny detail about each one of us, where our choices will lead us, and yet He gives us the freedom to choose.  We can choose to love Him, to live for Him, or...not.  He won't force us to make the right choice.  But watching someone make bad choices is heartbreaking.

Teaching my class each day, I see my students' choices.  I see when they choose to be lazy and sleep, or work hard and succeed.  And most of the time, I want to "force" them to make the right choice!  "Sit properly! Stop talking! Get that eraser out of your nose!"  I see their really hard-headed, bad attitude sides, and their sweet, obedient sides.  And I have to be honest, it's difficult to show patience and love to certain kids who, most of the time, will not give me the time of day.  I want to treat them with the same disrespect that they show to me.  Sometimes I want to say hurtful words to them like they do to me.  And yet, I continue to go back to school each day, try to start fresh with grace and forgiveness, even though I know that my students probably haven't had an overnight personality transformation. :)

The point is: I feel like I am starting to understand a tiny bit of what God feels every day. His mercies are new every morning! But how about the people that He is granting that mercy to? Every day there are people all over the world who proudly proclaim their disbelief in God, take His name is vain, disobey His commandments, "sleep" instead of doing the work He's asked them to do.  And every day God is faithful to His promises, even while His heart is breaking for us.

Aren't you glad God doesn't give up on us? "Ok, no more mercy, I'm sick of your attitude.  You're a lost cause."  But instead God says, "I know the plans I have for you... plans for a hope and a future!" He won't force His plans on any of us... He just keeps waiting patiently.

It's so heartbreaking to see a kid who's been hurt, and is still wounded.  I try my best to give love and encouragement, but in the end it is their own personal choice, to accept the help or reject it.  I can't force them to choose God, to change their attitude towards life.  I just think about all of the people who are rejecting God's love, His help.  It's like my tiny heartbreak magnified by a billion... and I cry for the pain He must feel.

 I just want to tell God thank you. Thank you for loving us even when we are really hard to love. When we break your heart. Thank you for your love that endures forever.