Burden

I feel a little awkward sharing this post, because many of you sponsor our mission and I don't want you to think that we are not incredibly grateful for the opportunity to serve here! I just wanted to let you know how I am feeling... missions work is not a walk in the park.  It's more like running blindfolded through a jungle! And some days are hard.

This is a very honest post that I wrote about a week ago, but I am just now sharing. Hope you get something out of it!

I had this dream a few nights ago that one of my close friends had a new baby but it was very deformed, so she kept it but locked it upstairs and only fed it, just like the bare minimum to survive. She said it wasn't the child she was supposed to have, it wasn't perfect, so she would raise it, but she didn't consider it "hers". The baby's name was Brunden in the dream. I thought it was a weird name, but I knew that this baby deserved more than this life. Then I woke up.

Here is what John and I interpret: the BURDEN that God has given us, to come here and work with these kids, hasn't exactly turned out like we thought. We labored and toiled and waited a long time to get to this place, and now, honestly, I am kind of disappointed in the result. It's not perfect. There are things I don't like. (Mainly, living in a fish bowl and being so far from family). Please understand, we LOVE these kids so much! I think I just pictured all of the details to be. . . Flawless! So now I am here, doing what needs to be done each day, but not fully embracing our life here.

Whew!! Talk about a kick in the pants! This is the dream God has given me, entrusted me with, and I am treating it like this?  I am complaining about the things I miss in America, worrying about if my kids are going to be adversely affected by their surroundings, and secretly counting the days until I get to see my parents again.  

So, things will be changing. I will be THANKFUL for the new adventures God has given to our family. I won't forget how BLESSED we are to carry this burden! And I will try really hard not to miss home so much :)